- Recognize the signs .
- Establish the facts - "does this person relate well to their parents ? - if not: beware
People are too trusting .
Mothers,Fathers friends and family need to remind their loved ones that marrying someone who has grown up that way is dangerous. We are all dangerous .
One of the reasons maybe we don't talk about it is because marrying anyone is always a risky thing .
ANGER - rejection of our person
The point is that conflict and anger ( eg rejecting who I am or feeling rejected for being who I am ) will occur. God rejects us as we are, so why wouldn't some one else who loves us too? Sometimes rejected for right reasons , sometimes rejected because we observers have flawed vision .the control freak can be daily lost because dep down he does not know where to rest in himself /herself . These things used to be taught in Sunday School - how to accept yourself To love yourself .
After all ,after God , our partners are the ones who see we are not perfect . Our partners , also like God don't always like what we do and say even though they may believe in us . Understanding what "believing in us "means is at the heart of this issue .
Luther the angry man found self acceptance by being honest with himself - noone sins the daylight he said - so don't be deceived about what you see in your mirror , You are going to have to forgive yourself and your partner. Love is not about being nice ;That's often what con men and con women specialize in. Love seeks renewal and restoration through confession , confrontation and repentance
The reason why there is epidemic of DV is because post modernism does not talk effectively to dealing with anger and evil, power and person. It does not accept and therfore deal deal with the sins we commit every day. maybe DV should be called denial violence.
Behaviorism and denial of original sin ( there are just good and bad people )provides no alerts other than behavior ( which is too late/slow )
This blinkered post Christian idea doesn't tell us that we are all capable of bad and we are all going to have to deal with real anger in our marriages and with our children